When Avoiding Your Spending Clouds Your Career Vision
It's been a big money week. Everyone's talking about finances in my sessions lately, and it makes complete sense. There's so much anxiety floating around about money right now. But today I want to talk about something I'm reflecting on more and more — how avoiding looking at our spending patterns is actually impacting our career clarity in really significant ways.
I see this avoidance pattern constantly. People are genuinely afraid to look at their spending. There's a lot of shame, a lot of guilt, a lot of fear. When I suggest reviewing spending as part of career planning, I often hear some version of "Oh my gosh, that sounds terrible…I just would rather not know." And I get it! Looking at our spending triggers all kinds of uncomfortable feelings — a restriction trigger, our scarcity mindset, this deep-seated fear that there's just not enough or that we are going to get wildly out of control, it’s all terrifying.
Saving money is this bizarre space where many of us are desperately trying to prove our moral character and discipline. I think especially as women, we get targeted relentlessly by marketing that's directly aimed at our self-esteem. The things we buy to maintain our esteem or “self-care” are devalued as shallow and vain. We live in a world where it genuinely feels like we never have enough money because there's always some cool new thing to buy — or at least really good marketing around cool new things to buy all the time.
The Optimization Trap
What I'm seeing in both my W2 clients and my entrepreneur clients is this intense pressure to maximize earning potential at all costs (well, all costs except burnout... supposedly). We become obsessed with optimizing our income streams — pursuing promotions, increasing rates, finding new clients, launching new offers. And while there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to earn more, I think this intense focus sometimes serves a very specific purpose: "If I earn enough, I don't ever have to look closely at my spending."
It's as if we're hoping that by making "enough" money (whatever that mythical number is), we can outrun the need for financial self-understanding. We are just working to never have to see our behavior with money instead of being clear on what matters for us to spend on.
Unfortunately, this approach isn't actually very helpful. When we're stuck in the optimization trap, we remain in a scarcity mindset about what we really need and what we really want to earn. We lose sight of how we actually value our time, our energy, and our talents. The relentless drive to optimize earning without understanding our spending needs is like trying to sail a boat that has a leak (not nautical here, but I think the metaphor works).
Getting Clear on Money Matters for Career Clarity
Don't get me wrong — I get really clear on earnings with my clients when we talk about career goals, especially on pricing and salary negotiation. But the story is incomplete when we don’t understand how much we want and need financially. Of course this number is dynamic, but just because it changes doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to estimate. So, we don’t just work on clarity of their value in the marketplace, but what kind of income someone's really needing, wanting and why. And let me tell you, it feels scary — even for me personally — to really be thinking about questions like:
How much money do I need to live to cover my bills?
How much money do I need to live comfortably?
How much would I love to earn if money weren't an obstacle?
What are my actual personal financial goals for myself, my family, for the long term?
Do I have legacy goals financially?
These aren't exactly light, chill questions, right? They're big, they're complex, and they're deeply personal. But because we're so used to avoiding answering them, we sweep them under the rug. We avoid being thoughtful about what our financial needs and desires actually mean for our work choices.
This avoidance makes it really hard to think clearly about major career decisions — like whether to pause work for a period, change directions, negotiate differently, or whether our current pace is sustainable. Without financial clarity, we're making career decisions in a fog.
Looking at Spending Through a New Lens
I really recommend everyone having conversations with safe, comfortable people to start asking themselves these uncomfortable money questions. And beyond talking, I recommend actually looking at your spending — but not in the way you might think.
What if we looked at spending in a way that isn't about scarcity and restriction? Not with that voice that says, "Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed that I spend this much money on [insert thing you feel guilty about]." What if instead, we approached it scientifically, or from a data perspective?
Imagine saying, "Wow, look how much I'm spending on gifts during holidays" or "Interesting how much of my budget goes to food." Not with judgment, but with genuine curiosity.
Is there a way to have — dare I even say it — enjoyable experiences that are almost like rituals of taking a look at money in a compassionate way? Could reviewing your spending actually be an act of self-care and self-respect rather than self-punishment?
This kind of compassionate financial awareness can really start to give us key insights into creating a loose budget around our true goals. The biggest challenge is developing an experimental mindset — gathering data, reflecting on what feels like a good use of your resources, and what aligns with your values.
Intuitive Spending
In a prior post, I've talked about how I draw from intuitive eating concepts to build awareness around listening to ourselves and our needs when thinking about career directions. I think spending can function in the same way.
There are ways we might want to spend on, I don't know, like a really expensive (relatively speaking) ingredient for a dish we've been wanting to make for a while. When we understand that purchase in context with our values, the things we really care about in life and the things that give us joy, it makes perfect sense why that ingredient is worth it.
Contrast that with the times we're just looking to buy ourselves out of a bad feeling. That's a place where developing awareness is really helpful. But here's the thing — when clients realize they sometimes spend emotionally, their immediate reaction is often, "I need to cut that out completely. I need to never spend on things that give me happiness or a little lift on a really hard day."
I think that's totally unrealistic. Having awareness of emotional spending doesn't mean eliminating it entirely. It means understanding it as one of many coping tools.
I like to say to everyone, "Let's put as many different coping tools on the table as possible, so we can try them out, keep them fresh, try new things when one kind of wears off." Sometimes that so-called "bad spending" loses a little bit of its power in coping when we see it clearly, but we also can see it in a different light and understand what it offers us. We can change our relationship with coping through spending without eliminating it full stop (cuz guess what happens when you get a raise or a little windfall?).
The Gendered Nature of Spending
This is a topic that's so underdiscussed, especially in the context of our careers. We can feel really small, sometimes even stupid or out of control, particularly around the things that women typically buy in their lives.
If you've had conversations with partners (especially if they're men) about what you want to "get under control" in spending, you know how tough this can be. Areas like beauty products, home goods, or even just day-to-day maintenance items can become loaded with judgment.
I also think about the invisible labor of spending when raising children. Often women are the ones spending money on kids — making sure they have enough clothes that fit, school supplies, birthday gifts for friends' parties or big things like summer camps and activities, and a thousand other things that no one notices until they're not done. This invisible spending is part of the invisible labor that disproportionately falls on women and it can get tied to this feeling of being out of control especially when we are overwhelmed with details and bombarded with “sales” around every corner (a.k.a. swipe).
From Financial Clarity to Career Clarity
Here's my central point: If you know that your career is tied to money and earning (and let's be honest, for most of us it is), then you can't gain career clarity until you have financial clarity.
That can be a really confronting idea. It means facing numbers you might have been avoiding. It means having potentially uncomfortable conversations with yourself or your partner. It means questioning some of your spending habits and asking whether they truly align with what matters to you.
But if you approach this work with compassion, curiosity, a willingness to learn, and grace — by giving yourself room to lower your expectations of behaving perfectly around money — I think the process can be incredibly liberating.
Financial clarity doesn't mean becoming a perfect financial planner overnight. It doesn't mean never buying something just because it brings you joy. It means developing a relationship with your money that's based on awareness rather than avoidance, on curiosity rather than shame.
And that kind of clarity? It might just help you gain insights about your career that you never expected. It might help you understand what you truly need to earn, what kind of work truly fulfills you, and how to make decisions from a place of empowerment rather than fear.
So this week, I invite you to try a small money reflection ritual. Choose one day to look at your spending through the lens of curiosity — not criticism. Maybe invite a trusted friend, partner, or coach to debrief what you notice. What patterns emerge? What surprises you? What might these patterns tell you about what you truly value?
Remember, we're not trying to be perfect with money. We're trying to be honest. And that honesty might just be the key to unlocking the career clarity you've been searching for.
(Human) Reflection Questions:
What's one area of spending that brings you true joy or aligns deeply with your values?
What might you learn about your career direction if you had more clarity on what you actually need (or want) to earn?
AI Prompts to Analyze Your Money Reflection Questions
Prompt 1: Joy-Aligned Spending Analysis
Act as a Financial Values Interpreter who specializes in helping people connect their spending patterns to their core values and life purpose. I've reflected on areas of spending that bring me true joy or align deeply with my values. Based on my reflection below, please:
1) Identify the underlying values that seem to drive my joy-aligned spending
2) Suggest how these values might inform not just my spending choices, but my career decisions
3) Recommend 2-3 specific ways I might further align my spending and career with these core values
4) Highlight any potential tensions between my financial choices and stated values that I might want to explore further
Please provide thoughtful analysis that goes beyond surface observations. I'm looking for insights that help me understand the deeper meaning behind my spending joy
My reflection:
[Paste your response about spending that brings you joy or aligns with your values]
Prompt 2: Career-Financial Clarity Advisor
Act as a Career-Financial Alignment Coach who helps people make career decisions that honor both their financial needs and deeper professional purpose. I've been reflecting on what my earnings needs/desires might reveal about my ideal career direction. Based on my reflection below, please:
1) Identify what appears to be most important to me financially (security, freedom, growth potential, impact, etc.)
2) Suggest what these financial priorities might reveal about my ideal work environment, responsibilities, or career path
3) Point out any potential misalignments between my stated financial needs/wants and my current or desired career direction
4) Provide 2-3 thought-provoking questions that could help me further clarify the connection between my financial clarity and career direction
Please offer nuanced insights that consider both practical realities and deeper aspirations. I'm looking to understand how my relationship with money might be guiding my career choices - both consciously and unconsciously.
My reflection:
[Paste your response about what you might learn about your career direction with more financial clarity]
If you're finding it challenging to create clarity around your spending and career goals, I'm here to help. Together, we can explore your financial landscape with compassion and curiosity, helping you make career decisions that truly align with what matters most to you. Book a consultation call today to learn more about how we can work together on this journey.
